Auckland Divorce Coaching – Separation Is Often A Good Thing – See Why
Auckland Divorce Coaching – A Band Marriage Is Worse Than A Good Divorce
Whenever couples decide that breaking up is the right decision for them, they are often confronted with one difficult question: “How will this affect our children?” Despite the fact that dissolving their relationship may be unavoidable, contemplating such an emotional outcome can be painful. Getting guidance from an Auckland divorce coaching service can help.
One thing that is certain is that when children see their parents arguing, it is not good.
Create a Parenting Plan
When creating a parenting plan, the first issue to consider is who was the primary care giver? It is often a helpful starting point for couples when discussing divorce. Forming a plan that will be beneficial to both parties. It is not easy to make a parenting plan, especially if emotions are running high. An Auckland divorce coaching service can be a lot of help in this regard.
Fathers often request a 50/50 share of childcare, believing this to be equitable. However, research has shown that a half-and-half split is not necessary to build a loving bond. The key is consistency with the primary caregiver. As the children get older, from three onward, they can spend more time with the other parent.
As the children grow they transition through different stages. It is important to keep in mind that parenting plans might need to be adjusted. Establishing a plan that can evolve over time can ensure both parent and child success.
Fathers often need to ask difficult questions such as, “How much time can I dedicate to child-rearing?” For example, you may have long working hours or a lengthy commute and limited flexibility regarding work times. How will you get the children from daycare/school? Or do you need assistance getting them to their locations?
Types of Shared Custody
Despite their split, some parents still try to remain on amicable terms, opting for a hybrid form of care. This involves the children visiting Mum at 7.30 in the morning and being dropped off at school by her. Dad will collect them after work and provide bedtime rituals including feeding and baths.
A common care practice is a week-on, week-off childcare regime. Here the children spend a complete week at one parent’s home, and the next at the other. This gives the children some stability. It also allows the parents to plan a more consistent life for themselves too.
A 14-day cycle is an effective system which many parents find easier to work with than a weekly schedule. This type of care arrangement works well for parents as it helps them to keep on top of their child’s well-being.
A more radical approach is for the children to stay in the same home and the parents to alternate their stay there. This gives the children more stability and familiarity. It also means they don’t need two sets of clothes, or that they leave things by mistake such as schoolbooks.
Illness
When it comes to childcare arrangements, it’s important to consider what will happen if a child is ill. Some couples can become embroiled in conflict if one parent insists that their ill child must stick to their designated time with them. This should not be the case. Both parents must support each other and make decisions together on how best to support the child.
Communication
Communicating is a major aspect to successful parenting, especially in the event of a newly-ended relationship or unfinished affairs. To ensure effective communication between parents, it is important to establish the desired format. This can be emailing or text message exchanges. As time progresses and relationships improve, verbal interaction is most likely to develop.
It is essential for all arrangements to be child-centred, as it demonstrates to children that their parents are able to co-operate. This makes them feel more secure. This also serves as a valuable learning opportunity for your children. It helps them gain an understanding of how adults resolve conflicts in a respectful manner.
Separate The Children From Your Feelings
No matter how raw and upset your feelings may be, protect your children from them. It is your problem, not the children’s. Focus on how you envision their life will be between two homes. Make sure this future-focused view is guiding your parenting instead of allowing negative emotions to take the lead. Remember that ultimately, these feelings will pass with time.
Keep Showing Love For Your Children
Your children must be aware that your love for them is still there unconditionally. You must reassure them that they are not responsible for the parting of their parents. Demonstrate to them that you still can prioritise their needs, as this is actually essential to aiding them overcome your divorce.
Prioritise The Future
It is tragic when a marital partnership dissolves in such a way that children become enmeshed in prolonged legal proceedings. The children suffer from being subjected to extended alternating homes full of resentment and hostility. Statistics show those children often experience protracted difficulty once they have grown up, as well as when creating relationships of their own.
Divorce Coaching
Divorce coaching can help with all of these issues.
It will help you create a parenting plan, disregarding the issues of separation (which should be addressed appropriately as they are essential), and instead concentrating on co-parenting which is more beneficial to the children.
If you want to explore the options of divorce coaching, Adrianne McLean at Reset Coach is a highly experienced divorce lawyer who offers Auckland divorce coaching.